BUREAU OF HIGHLY INCONVENIENT QUESTIONS · QUAERERE. REDACT. REPEAT.

Where in the World Is Jeffrey Epstein?

He's dead. Your investigation isn't.

Runs in your browser, on phones and desktops. No account, no download. A parody game.

Please read. This game is parody and fictional entertainment. Jeffrey Epstein was a real convicted sex offender whose crimes involved real victims. The game's fictional investigations, characters, dialogue, organizations, sightings, and conspiracies are invented for satire. Appearance, association, or social contact alone should not be interpreted as evidence that any person committed wrongdoing. The satire primarily concerns conspiracy culture, institutional secrecy, media sensationalism, bureaucracy, and the frequently catastrophic relationship between the Internet and evidence.

The assignment

Jeffrey Epstein is dead. Officially. Which would ordinarily make a worldwide manhunt unnecessary. Unfortunately, nobody told the Internet. You're the newest investigator at the Bureau of Highly Inconvenient Questions. You get one badly photocopied flight log, three redacted documents, a burner phone that only receives messages saying LOOK INTO IT, $37 in travel expenses, and the government's most advanced investigative computer: ASK JEEVES.

🗃️ File the evidence

Every clue is a card with a source, a date and a provenance. Is it a Fact, a Claim, a Rumor, a Screenshot of Something, or Dude Trust Me?

🧵 String up the board

Connect what's actually connected and your Case Integrity climbs. Connect everything to everything and the Internet Heat does instead. Derek will help. Don't let Derek help.

🗂️ Survive Pam from Records

Form 19B. The 19B Supplemental. Proof of 19A. Wet signature. Blue ink only. Paperwork encounters are boss fights.

📄 FACT🗣️ CLAIM🌫️ RUMOR📱 SCREENSHOT OF SOMETHING🤙 DUDE TRUST ME

The cases

NEWARK · TUTORIAL

The Man at Gate 23

A blurry photo of a bald older man boarding a charter. 41,000 reposts. Someone has already circled him in red.

WASHINGTON, D.C.

Transparency

A leaked memo says the Bureau has a secret file. Ten outlets reported it. None of them link to it. Enter a government building seeking one document.

MONACO

Yacht Saturation

A drone catches "him" on a superyacht. The yacht has a helipad, which the Internet considers a confession. Everyone here owns a yacht.

The fallout

You, carefully: "We have not found evidence supporting the allegation."

Government investigator discusses Epstein evidence

You, correcting the record:

Investigator walks back explosive Epstein comments

@TruthHound1776WHY IS NOBODY TALKING ABOUT THIS

@QuestionMark_QEVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT THIS

@DerekQTHREAD 1/947

How you're scored

Not on finding "the real conspiracy." On investigating well: filing evidence honestly, drawing only the connections the records support, and claiming only what you can prove. A careful Unresolved beats a lucky guess. Declaring total certainty on a 480p photo is the one thing the Bureau, for once, punishes. You're not really hunting Epstein. You're hunting certainty, and the game keeps tempting you to find it.

The Bureau

🧓 Director Harry Cover"Excellent work, Agent. Please immediately stop doing that."

👩‍💼 Nancy Nothingtosee"Electrical issue. Storage issue. Cabinet issue."

🧔 Derek Q."Coincidence? Statistically impossible."

🗂️ Pam from Records"Do you have the 19B Supplemental?"

🕴️ Chip Maxworth III"Barely knew the guy."

👒 Lady Portia Worthington-Smythe"Darling, I've attended seventeen thousand parties."

👩‍🏫 Prof. Constance Piracy"'I'm just asking questions' is not a question."

🕶️ Agent Red Acted"Our investigation determined that XXXXXX met XXXXX."

Every character in the game is fictional.

Open your first case